Inferior Decorators
by HazelWitch81
Summary: Can Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy learn to get along when Farnsworth asks them to redecorate Planet Express?


Futurama

Opening Credits scene:

Tagline: Lasts longer than the Energizer Bunny!

Screen: A Foghorn Leghorn cartoon.

Chapter One:

One summer day at Planet Express, Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy just got back from a mission. Farnsworth comes to greet them.

Farnsworth: Good, you're back.

Leela: Mission was a piece of cake!

Amy: I'm glad me and Hermes are now going on missions.

Bender: Of course. Leela and I prefer you guys come with us. Because you two actually have brains. Said that before.

Hermes: That filthy crab and that other guy are nowhere to be seen! We have an adventure to ourselves once again!

Farnsworth: I just found out something.

Bender: Oh, no. He's going to pin something on me! Quick, Hermes! Take my backpack!

Hermes: No! Why? Because I'm black?

Farnsworth: Relax. You're not under arrest.

Leela: What is it you found out?

Farnsworth: I just found out Planet Express needs a makeover.

Amy: We're not going to hire Ty Paddington's head, are we?

Farnsworth: Of course not! I have chosen you guys to redecorate Planet Express.

Leela: Wow! Sounds like a fun project. I'm in!

Bender: I'm in, too! Just as long as I get to slave drive these pathetic humans!

Amy: Let's get started.

Hermes: I'll get the paintbrushes.

Farnsworth: Just remember. if you guys end up fighting over this, Hermes's pants are going on the flagpole.

Leela: Don't worry, Professor. We'll get along.

The screen turns black and blood red letters appear.

VO: OR WILL THEY?!

Chapter Two:

Hermes and Amy were painting the walls. Bender and Leela come in through the door with paints and samples.

Hermes: Good, you're back with the paints.

Leela: We have some paint samples. (shows them a book of paint samples)

Amy: Red would go good.

Bender: Which red do you want? Firetruck Red, or Blood Red? I for one prefer Blood Red!

Hermes: Firetruck Red. It's more traditional.

Leela: The people at Space Depot told us that contemporary is in. So Blood Red.

Amy: Hermes and I are both rich, so we want traditional!

Bender: Contemporary!

Hermes: Traditional!

Bender: Contemporary!

Hermes: Traditional!

Bender: Duck Season!

Hermes: Rabbit Season

Bender: Duck Season!

Hermes: Rabbit Season!

Farnsworth (walks in): Is there a problem?

Leela: What is this, a Bugs Bunny cartoon or a Bud Light commercial?

Bender: There's no problem, Professor!

Farnsworth: If there is, why don't you guys have a race for it?

Bender: Good idea. Come on guys! Fire up the ship.

Hermes: Race sounds good. Me and Amy against Bender and Leela.

Leela: Fair enough. If me and Bender win, it's contemporary!

Amy: If me and Hermes win, it's traditional!

Bender: You're on, chumps. I know just where we can have our race...

Chapter Three:

The PE Ship goes to the planet Alasippi 35, The culture is like how the south was during The Great Depression. Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy were at a beer brewery putting barrels in their cars that looked like studebakers. Leela was in the car with Bender, and Amy was in the car with Hermes.

Bender: Whoever can outrun these bootleggers, wins!

Hermes: Just hope we don't end up in a chain gang for this...

Bender and Hermes start their engines.

Leela: On your mark...

Amy: Get set...

Bender: GO!

Hermes and Bender both race off in the studebakers. Them some aliens who wore cowboy clothes with long noses and spring sprongs on their heads chase after them. Their names are Wes and Gordy.

Gordy: Lookit dat, Wes! They're gettin' away with our Moonshine! Moonshine!

Wes: Let's get 'em!

Song: Puddle Of Mudd's Spaceship plays.

Gordy and Wez chase after Bender and Hermes and shoot at them. They duck. Along the way, they race down hills, crash into bars, rodeos, a funeral, and even go past the Hatfield and McCoy feud.

Bender: Bite My Shiny Metal Ass you Moonshiner hicks!

The race comes to an end when Bender and Leela win the race.

Leela: Ha! We win! Contemporary!

Song ends.

Bender: We won fair and square! We totally have to go Moonshining again!

Then Wez and Gordy catch up with them.

Wez: Did we just hear you say contemporary?

Gordy: Believe it or not, we're interior decorators.

Bender: Tell me more...

Leela: You're hired.

Hermes and Amy slap their hands on their heads.

Chapter Four:

Gordy and Wez were painting the walls of Planet Express and installing a Bay Window.

Leela: Wow. That bay window is beautiful. It overlooks the ocean.

Bender: That's the kind of window I want in my castle when I take over the world and kill all humans!

Leela and Bender leave and then Hermes and Amy hatch up a plan.

Amy: How are we going to get rid of them?

Hermes: They're rednecks. And the one thing they hate is hippie music! Here.

Hermes hands Amy a Beatles wig and puts one of himself.

Amy: (putting on the Beatles wig): Let's sell it!

As Gordy and Wez were decorating, Hermes and Amy come up to them and sing and play guitars.

Hermes and Amy (singing): I said, yeah yeah yeah! He said yeah yeah yeah! She said yeah yeah yeah! Yippie!

Gordy (screaming): Hippies!

Wez (screaming): Why don't they go get a haircut?!

Gordy and Wez (running away): Let's get outta here!

And with that, Gordy and Wez ran away.

Hermes and Amy (high fiving each other): It worked!

Chapter Five:

Leela and Bender come back from a mission only to see their interior decorators have been replaced. It was Hermes's cousin, Jerome. He was tall, average weight, had long dreadlocks and wore overalls and hiker boots.

Jerome: Smokin' in th' kitchen, Mon!

Leela: Wait? What? Who's?

Bender: What the *beep* is going on?

Hermes: We scared away those rednecks and hired my cousin! He's an interior decorator!

Amy: He's doing a traditional style!

Bender: Why I oughta...

Leela: Bender, stop.

Hermes and Amy walk away and stick their tongues out at Leela and Bender.

Bender and Leela (sarcastically): Oooooh, that hurt!

Leela: I have a plan, we'll scare him away they same way they scared Gordy and Wez away. We'll dress as a ghost...

Bender: Overused concept, Leela! A ghost? We can do better than that!

Leela: What do you suggest?

Bender: How about the Predator?

Leela: There's a Predator costume in with the Holloween stuff.

Bender: If they want traditional, they'll get traditional! (laughs evilly)

Chapter Six:

Jerome was painting and building until he hears a faint voice.

Voice (whisper): Help me!

Jerome gets a deer in the headlights look.

Voice (whisper): Help me!

The Vidphone rings and Jerome goes to answer it.

Jerome: Hello? Hermes? Okay, Amy! Yes, sir! I will right now!

The vidphone explodes which startles Jerome. Just then Bender and Leela in the Predator costume come up behind him.

Jerome (turns and sees and costume): Yo sho is ugly!

Then Jerome starts walking away and Leela and Bender following him. Just then a ladder Jerome was using falls and paint explodes all over the place. Then water falls from the ceiling!

Jerome: This house has sho' gone crazy!

Voice: You didn't help me! Now you shall pay!

The voice was Bender in the costume. Bender comes up to Jerome and roars.

Jerome: (jumps up in the air): AAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHH! Get away from me!

Leela and Bender watch as Jerome jumps out of a window, but wasn't hurt. Bender and Leela get out of the costume.

Bender and Leela (high fiving): It worked!

Leela: Looks like the set of a J. Giles Band video!

Bender: Bender is great! I'm the greatest!

Chapter Seven:

Hermes and Amy come back to find Jerome is gone. They confront Leela and Bender about it who were in the living room watching Justice Files. The PE Building was a mess.

Bender: I just love these criminal justice shows.

Leela: This show is better than Planet Confidential.

Hermes: You! Scared away my cousin didn't you?

Bender: I didn't kill him, can't prove nothing! Get over it!

Amy: Denial! So you did scare him away!

Leela: You're supposed to be trendy Amy. Don't you know traditional is out?

Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy all get into an intense argument and stop once Farnsworth arrives with Scruffy in tow.

Scruffy (blows whistle)

Farnsworth: Look at this place! It's a mess! All because you can't agree on contemporary or traditional!

Bender: Hermes and Amy are the instigators in this...

Hermes: We are? You and Leela are the masterminds...

Leela: You scared away...

Amy: Well, so did you...

Scruffy (shouting): SECOND! (blows whistle)

Farnsworth: Project failed! Hermes, give me your pants.

Hermes does so and his pants get hung on the flagpole by Scruffy.

Bender: I pledge alligence to the slacks of the United Fat Ass snob of Hermes Conrad.

Leela laughs at Bender's joke.

Hermes: That is NOT funny!

Amy: How dare you!

Farnsworth: There's only one way to settle this...

Chapter Eight:

Soon, Planet Express was rebuilt. But split down the middle. Hermes and Amy's side looked like a mansion while Leela and Bender's side looked like an upper middle class home.

Bender: We have our side, you have yours! (points to painting): Stay away from my picture boats!

Leela (pointing her finger): So you rich snobs, stay away!

Hermes: Your finger is on our side.

Bender: Well, your dreadlocks are on our side, Kayne West!

Amy: Keep away from us you peasants!

Bender and Leela build a wall to divide themselves from Hermes and Amy. Later Bender swings on the flagpole with Hermes's pants.

Bender: GGRRREEEEEENNNNNNN PPPAAAAANNNNNTTTSSSSS!

Chapter Nine:

Bender and Leela were on their side of the building, playing a Nintendo Wii baseball game, then the doorbell rang that sounded like a car horn.

Bender: Get the door, Leela!

Leela: Fine. What're you, my husband?

Bender (under his breath): Someday I will be. And one day you and I will rule the world and kill all humans!

Leela: What?

Doorbell rings again and it's Hermes and Amy. Hermes was wearing boxer shorts with the Jamaican flag on them.

Hermes: We just got back from a mission.

Amy: Splah. It only took us an hour!

Hermes: When you and Bender go on missions, you're gone for days.

Amy: You both make it seem so complicated.

Leela: I thought we told you to stay off of our side!

Bender: Delivery missions are supposed to be complicated. So, bite me shiny metal ass!

Hermes and Amy leave.

Bender: They're trying to make us jealous.

Leela: I noticed.

Bender: Let's outdo them!

Chapter Ten Conclusion:

Hermes and Amy were on their side of the building looking at encyclopedias and dressed in robes and smoking pipes. The doorbell rang.

Amy: I'll get it.

It was Bender and Leela.

Hermes: It's the peasants.

Bender: Leela and I just went to a really fun party!

Leela: We went to Jersey Shore, bitch!

Amy (looked worried): Party?

Bender: Hell, yeah! We partied and beat up the beat with the heads in jars or J Woww, Snooki, Pauly D, and The Situation!

Leela: That's right! We even rode on the rides in Atlantic City!

Hermes: Partying with a reality show on MTV? No impressed.

Amy: But...but...I never miss a party...

Bender and Leela (together): Ha! Ha! On You! (shaking their fists) Fist Pump!

As the days went on, with Hermes's pants still on the flagpole, they kept trying to one up each other. Until one day...

Hermes: I can't live like this anymore.

Amy: Leela and Bender aren't our enemies.

Leela: Maybe we should make up with them.

Bender: What? Are you *beep* kidding me...(gets out a hammer and hands one to Leela) All right.

Bender and Leela tear down their side of the wall while Hermes and Amy do the same.

Leela (breaking the wall): Hermes! Amy!

Amy (breaking the wall): Bender! Leela!

Hermes (breaking the wall): Let's be friends again!

Bender (breaking the wall): I dread doing this! I liked having them as enemies...

They all broke down the wall that divided them. The Planet Express building was on shambles.

Leela: See what happens when your friends become your enemies?

Hermes: Let's stop the fighting. (takes his pants down) Got my pants back.

Amy: How about we make up, and never turn against each other? Ever again.

Bender (rolls eyes): Fine! Agreed.

Farnsworth: Oh no! Planet Express! RUINED!

Leela: Don't worry, Professor, we'll fix it.

Amy: As a team, as friends.

Hermes: With a normal design.

Bender: Just don't depend on me to do all the dirty work.

Within days the Planet Express building was rebuilt back to the way it was.

Leela: Perfect. Back to normal.

Bender: Normal is overrated.

Scruffy: Glad to see you're all getting along, and you're friends again.

Hermes: Hey, it's Scruffy.

Scruffy: You forgot someone.

Amy: Who is it, you?

Scruffy: No. He's a friend of ours. These past 2 months he was in the hospital and got a brain tumor removed. Then the tumor spread in his stomach. He's been really sick, and you forgot about him. All because you were all caught up in this interior decorating.

Leela: Oh, my gosh. I feel so regretful.

Hermes and Amy: We do, too.

Scruffy: Bet you do. I hated it when you guys fought. And I hated telling him. He thought you abandoned him and he was crying. Especially for you, Leela and Bender.

Bender: Crying for me? What the hell...

Leela: Awwww, that's so sad. Is he better?

Hermes: Who is this friend of ours?

Amy: I'm not sure who it could be...

Scruffy: We're not going to find out standing here. Follow me to the hospital.

Bender: What're we waiting for? (plays accordian) Let's go already!

They all follow Scruffy to the hospital and learned valuable lesson about friendship. Well, expect maybe Bender.

THE END


End file.
